My Stupid Valentine

I hate Valentine and actually I don't celebrate this stupid day. Valentine is so overrated! Roses become triple in cost, Hallmark cards becomes more expensive at some stupid stores and restaurants came out with couple's special set menu that cost a lot more than usual and for what?

But to be a sport and to show some "care" towards my BF so I treat him to dinner last Saturday at Chilli's Restaurant and I told him that the dinner was on me for Valentine's Day (2 days ahead of time). I just want to be casual about it and at a very minimal attention. I don't want it to be a big fucking deal because I am so tired of giving away my love and affection and after I got so comfortable with the relationship, my heart got crushed like a bug by someone I trusted(such as my ex-BFs).

So this time around, I am meaner and colder. And last night I gave him a Valentine's Card and I wrote. . . . .

Love comes in many forms.

Love is not just about,

       hugs & kisses

               or

       honesty & respect.

Love is a lot more. . . . .

Love is among other things is also about

         how we care towards each other

                  despite the distractions that take away your eyes

                  away from me. 

Yup! I wrote those stupid words. And WHY??? Because I know somehow that he has wondering eyes and I know that he is also, now more than ever, looking for other that is better than me. I saw the lust in his eyes when he looks at other guys in the gym. And in return I ignore what he was doing and gave him the least attention. And WHY??? Because I don't care whether he wants to stay or to go. For all I care, it doesn't matter anymore.

So in those very words, I told him that I suspect that he has been busy behind my back, especially while at work. And still I truly don't feel jealous or worry or sad. Maybe we will still be together for a long time. Or maybe we should call it a day tomorrow.

I feel my life now is plain and boring. It is all a routine that brings no energy or a spark or adrenaline. No satisfaction but doubts in every step.

So I rather to be nothing at this Valentine.

BOYbum