Nothing much I can say lately but my life is full of the same routines, so monotonous and empty.
Despite this dullness, my mind is full of filthy desires and sexual needs to other man than my BF. I found out recently that my Top friends also has been avoiding sex with his 20 something BF as well. So it's not just me then. I thought an almost 40 years old bottom like me would be in a "menopause" stage right now, but I think that's not the case. I think the problem is about having the same sex with the same person for a long time.
I have notice such a trend with myself with my previous relationship long time ago. After the third year of our life together, sex was not my interest anymore. He has to actually really initiated a move on me and then I gave up and let him fucked me. The thing was the sex with him was really boring. After a while I was not interested to have sex with him anymore and I caught him masturbating all the times while I was in the bed with him. And I just pretended I was sleeping the whole time. I just didn't care for him anymore. And all these happened when I was in my late 20's and he was in his early 40's. So I don't think that the problem I am having now has anything got to do with my age.
I got easily bored with the same cock, the same position and the same really bad kiss from JPK (His initial). And I put up with it for almost 10 years. But nowadays, the same plague is happening to me again. I am not sexually attracted to my BF anymore but I want his company definitely. He tried to seduce me many times but I always avoid the sex and sometimes I already anticipated an excuse to have sex way before we go to bed such as showing some tiredness and headaches. The things is all these are not an excuse anymore, they are actually natural occurrences and I was not faking anything or exaggerating anymore.
So what is becoming of me actually? I keep looking out my window and imagining some hot muscular police officer come knocking on my door to investigate about the neighborhood burglary and end up getting naked fucking me on my living room floor and then just begone with it like nothing happened. And the next day a gorgeous pizza delivery man walked into my door to wait for my payment and end up fucking me instead in return for having short in cash to pay him. And the next day, my usual fantasy of my hot neighbor asking me to help him with some fixing at his house and end up banging my asshole 3 times in his bed while his wife away at work. And then a contractor came to my house with his assistant to discuss about doing a renovation in my kitchen and end up having a threesome in my bed and a double penetration in my asshole. And the fantasy just grown on and on.
So there, isn't that enough fantasies to last me for a month or so?
Should I start with some "extra curricular" activities so that I can have some fun on my own and that way my guilt towards my Bf will force me to have sex with him? It is a very twisted psychotic way at looking things. Do I need to have sex with other people in order to save my own so called marriage? Why am I keep looking at other men and imagine how it would be like having him fucking me? Why am I so obsessed having sex with strangers when I already have one at my own disposal every night?
I am confused and curious!
Boybum
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