After years of observations, pretty much since 14 years ago when I got my first bareback fuck with an average American cock (6" ish in size), I have realized how gay love are so pretentious and short term. I was in love with that guy for about 3 years then the rest of the 7 years we were together, I became paranoia and slightly on the mental side.
Yup! I became I-don't-trust-you-anymore-you-fuck kind of person. Why? Because I caught him cheated on me when I was giving him my 100%. And then I caught him lying and cheating many more times after that. I let it go and live like nothing happened between us because I was afraid to be single and alone. I didn't believe in myself. I was pretty much just his blow-up doll, all soft and no brain!
I have not met any gay couple who has been in a relationship more than 10 years and still in love with each other and or coupled till death do them apart. But I have seen so much tears of broken hearts and till another hot stud comes along. Pretty much in gay life the way I know it, it's either the relationship is based on a convenient lifestyles and just a basic companionship or too afraid to be alone or it's kind of "better the devil you know" kind of mindset or what-the-fuck-ever some twisted reasons.
Why bother to fight with the homo-haters to built some pretentious stupid gay church? Of all things? Are you that shallow that you need a freakin' so called "house of God" to validate your existence in this world? God knows everything He created! If you love each other so much just treat each other right, honest and fair. You don't need a piece of paper with a government stamp on it to prove that you are married and belong to some stupid label or group for recognition (Unless there's a PRADA Gay Community, I might consider! Consider only and not yet enroll!) At least I know that I don't need that shit.
But when I have someone I truly love, I don't want some fruitcake hit on him. At least not in front of my face. I am not possessive but I need some level of respect from people that's all. When I say people it means gay community. As the gay people are so vicious and they are like going to an Italian Branded Warehouse end of year sales; you better grab that Gucci tote bag quickly otherwise some other fashionista will snatch it in a blink of an eye. Make sure to the wolves (vicious hungry for sex gays) in that warehouse that they saw that Gucci (your bf) is already yours at your disposal. They will not attack you or take that tote away from your arms. Get what I mean? Instead they will come at you with a smile and say "you lucky bitch!"
In other words, in a group of gay community, as vicious as a hawk, a boy friend or somebody you are shagging with is just like an expensive Gucci tote, an arm candy. The prettier the arm candy, the more jealous they become and the more you become the talk of the gay town. And as for the lonely but available gay players, they will shove their charms to your arm candy whenever you are distracted. So in other words, there's no such thing as guarantee. Unlike the 70% off Gucci tote, this arm candy is returnable to wherever it came from in the first place. It might be some back alley for all we know!
So you might wanna watch your six 24-7 and do not leave your arm candy unattended in a party or a club or the mall. Yup! You might as well go crazy right? This was what happened to me when I lost my trust to my BF. Although I kept my cool the whole time but I was secretly checking on him the whole time, his pants pockets, bags but not the mobile phone. I thought there should be a privacy limit to what I was doing and clothes were pretty much a general and public area where I could ransack and check every detail with a CSI UV light to check cum stains as well. And plus I voluntarily did all the house chores such as washings clothes among other things.
You would be surprised what I found in his pockets all those years. Receipts of saunas were among them. And occasionally when I unpacked his suitcase after a business trip to overseas, I also found some strange small sized used tank top with prints of Chinese character on it that was definitely belong to some moldy fruitcake. And of course when I found such hard evident, confrontation and interrogation were in order.
But I failed most of the time or gave up on it. The most I could get to scare him was when I thew a freaking plastic chair at him (Plastic chair is cheaper, light and unbreakable) or threaten to kill myself or more like pretending to kill myself. I was so pathetic!
So there, is gay love worth the fight? I don't think it's even real but solely based on sexual need. I figure after several years, give and take 2 years, the sex between a gay couple generally already crashing down the chart like a Boeing out of fuel. Gay love is almost like a joke in one of those funny Pam Ann's show. At least I can still laugh at her jokes whenever I play her in my iPod Touch. But my real life is not so much anymore.
The thing about love is, to keep it real love is something we give and not something we expect to get. And we must be happy on our own first before we can become happier with another. Love is a precious feeling that you keep between you and your love one. You don't need to show the whole fucking town how much in love you are, wearing the same striped tank top, with matching hats and shoes and holding hands while you were at it inside Crabtree & Evelyn looking for some not-so-cheap everyday shower gel and hand cream. Urrkkhhh! Vomit to that!
Love will be seen without in-your-face physical actions but through respect and decent gestures. It's the presence that's more important than the action. It's the action that changed harmless straight to homophobic or even the lesbians would hate us too. Moderation is very respectful sometimes and people can see your love in your eyes more than anything else and that is the beautiful part of it. People see and respect love!
I don't want to say I love to someone when I have none to give. My expression of love must come from somewhere real inside my heart. Otherwise, I would say. . . . ."I lust you!".
BOYbum
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