Friday, January 28, 2011

It's The Weekend Again

I am not excited to look forward for the weekend or the following weekdays either. Maybe I need some time alone or I need to have sex with a stranger. But I definitely don't want to have sex with my BF that's for sure. I have been missing the spark for him. The truth is I lost my interest for him almost a year ago. Nothing I could do about it. Maybe love had died but I kept him for companionship.

I told him to leave me 3 times now over the course of one year but he refused to leave me. Maybe I am his 7-11 Convenient Store I guess for whatever that means; I have been providing him the comfort of living and convenience that normally will cost a bomb. With me it cost him probably an equivalent of a large size freezing Slurpee compared to what I paid every month to maintain my comfortable living.

Shopping is definitely out of the questions now. I shouldn't even go to the mall as I might end up emptied my pocket for some impulse buying of the things I don't need. I can get high and obsess on stupid bags sometimes. Oh well what can I say, I love bags and fashion stuff. Sometimes looking is enough to fill my fashion needs but that's when my pocket was shallow.

Maybe I should give a closer attention to my cats this weekend. Clean their cages, play and love them. What's in it for me though? Some self satisfaction and one less guilty on my list?

Gosh! I am so don't know what to do this weekend.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Gay & His Love

After years of observations, pretty much since 14 years ago when I got my first bareback fuck with an average American cock (6" ish in size), I have realized how gay love are so pretentious and short term. I was in love with that guy for about 3 years then the rest of the 7 years we were together, I became paranoia and slightly on the mental side.

Yup! I became I-don't-trust-you-anymore-you-fuck kind of person. Why? Because I caught him cheated on me when I was giving him my 100%. And then I caught him lying and cheating many more times after that. I let it go and live like nothing happened between us because I was afraid to be single and alone. I didn't believe in myself. I was pretty much just his blow-up doll, all soft and no brain!

I have not met any gay couple  who has been in a relationship more than 10 years and still in love with each other and or coupled till death do them apart. But I have seen so much tears of broken hearts and till another hot stud comes along. Pretty much in gay life the way I know it, it's either the relationship is based on a convenient lifestyles and just a basic companionship or too afraid to be alone or it's kind of "better the devil you know" kind of mindset or  what-the-fuck-ever some twisted reasons.

Why bother to fight with the homo-haters to built some pretentious stupid gay church? Of all things? Are you that shallow that you need a freakin' so called "house of God" to validate your existence in this world? God knows everything He created! If you love each other so much just treat each other right, honest and fair. You don't need a piece of paper with a government stamp on it to prove that you are married and belong to some stupid label or group for recognition (Unless there's a PRADA Gay Community, I might consider! Consider only and not yet enroll!) At least I know that I don't need that shit.

But when I have someone I truly love, I don't want some fruitcake hit on him. At least not in front of my face. I am not possessive but I need some level of respect from people that's all. When I say people it means gay community. As the gay people are so vicious and they are like going to an Italian Branded Warehouse end of year sales; you better grab that Gucci tote bag quickly otherwise some other fashionista will snatch it in a blink of an eye. Make sure to the wolves (vicious hungry for sex gays) in that warehouse that they saw that Gucci (your bf) is already yours at your disposal. They will not attack you or take that tote away from your arms. Get what I mean? Instead they will come at you with a smile and say "you lucky bitch!"

In other words, in a group of gay community, as vicious as a hawk, a boy friend or somebody you are shagging with is just like an expensive Gucci tote, an arm candy. The prettier the arm candy, the more jealous they become and the more you become the talk of the gay town. And as for the lonely but available gay players, they will shove their charms to your arm candy whenever you are distracted. So in other words, there's no such thing as guarantee. Unlike the 70% off Gucci tote, this arm candy is returnable to wherever it came from in the first place. It might be some back alley for all we know!

So you might wanna watch your six 24-7 and do not leave your arm candy unattended in a party or a club or the mall. Yup! You might as well go crazy right? This was what happened to me when I lost my trust to my BF. Although I kept my cool the whole time but I was secretly checking on him the whole time, his pants pockets, bags but not the mobile phone. I thought there should be a privacy limit to what I was doing and clothes were pretty much a general and public area where I could ransack and check every detail with a CSI UV light to check cum stains as well. And plus I voluntarily did all the house chores such as washings clothes among other things. 

You would be surprised what I found in his pockets all those years. Receipts of saunas were among them. And occasionally when I unpacked his suitcase after a business trip to overseas, I also found some strange small sized used tank top with prints of Chinese character on it that was definitely belong to some moldy fruitcake. And of course when I found such hard evident, confrontation and interrogation were in order.

But I failed most of the time or gave up on it. The most I could get to scare him was when I thew a freaking plastic chair at him (Plastic chair is cheaper, light and unbreakable) or threaten to kill myself or more like pretending to kill myself. I was so pathetic!

So there, is gay love worth the fight? I don't think it's even real but solely based on sexual need. I figure after several years, give and take 2 years, the sex between a gay couple generally already crashing down the chart like a Boeing out of fuel. Gay love is almost like a joke in one of those funny Pam Ann's show. At least I can still laugh at her jokes whenever I play her in my iPod Touch. But my real life is not so much anymore.

The thing about love is, to keep it real love is something we give and not something we expect to get. And we must be happy on our own first before we can become happier with another. Love is a precious feeling that you keep between you and your love one. You don't need to show the whole fucking town how much in love you are, wearing the same striped tank top, with matching hats and shoes and holding hands while you were at it inside Crabtree & Evelyn looking for some not-so-cheap everyday shower gel and hand cream. Urrkkhhh! Vomit to that!

Love will be seen without in-your-face physical actions but through respect and decent gestures. It's the presence that's more important than the action. It's the action that changed harmless straight to homophobic or even the lesbians would hate us too. Moderation is very respectful sometimes and people can see your love in your eyes more than anything else and that is the beautiful part of it. People see and respect love!

I don't want to say I love to someone when I have none to give. My expression of love must come from somewhere real inside my heart. Otherwise, I would say. . . . ."I lust you!".

BOYbum

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Military Man Just What I Need!

When I saw this man in US Marine outfit recently, I was instantly horny. I am sure he can fuck too. And I am sure if we end up in the same room all night and nobody knows about us, he will definitely let me run my juicy tongue all over his body.

And the best of all, I am sure he will not resist my warm and juicy bum for him to fuck and cum.

Just look at that cock, it is so thick and now imagine it hard and all horny. How can I resist such a cock, not even a freakin' 70 years old nun. I bet you she will pray, Ohhhh Jesus please don't take that meat away from me and replace my battery operated plastic, puhhhleeaaseeee!

Hehehehe! Fun isn't it?



I will not let him go and I will make sure he finish it all and it will be our little secret. That's for sure! Yum Yum!

BOYbum

Monday, January 24, 2011

Today's Thrill!

As I was walking alone carrying a lot of stuff in my hand in front of shops at Maluri, someone was looking at me with keen eyes and gave me a smile full of meaning.

He was waiting for his food to be ready by a road side food vendor. He was shirtless and a little on the chubby side, dark brown skin due to soaking lots of sun I gather and having cute decent face. He made me nervous and excited at the same time and I have not been having this feeling for quite sometimes.

I like the fact that he looked matured and not young. I like the fact that he was slightly balding instead of having a well combed hair like an officer in the bank. I like the fact that his belly was shown and not hidden behind some stupid shirt. I like the fact that his pants was all dirty and slightly worn out like a construction worker.

He didn't look like a bad boy but he looks like a hard working, honest and innocent man. Someone that thought I would look like a goddess when standing next to him and having to fuck me is only a fantasy. That is completely untrue! Despite my fierce and serious look, I am altogether mushy and slutty on the inside. I am almost like a closeted drama queen with Shue Uemura eye lashes and pink nails. Totally approachable and a few hours at the nearby motel is all I need and will be on me.

I like it when I caught someone looking at me and embarrassed by his own closeted interest or fantasies and then act like nothing happen. I wish I could smiled back to him immediately and start a conversation.

A simple hi will do and a tiny smile on my face would have been sufficient enough to say that he is welcum and I am free to have.

I want more and I want that man that I saw this afternoon, shirtless, sweaty and all manly.

BOYbum

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Why Am I Not Horny Anymore?

I have not been aroused with my BF for a long time now. I wonder why? Even sometimes when I am all alone, I had to look at naked guys photos or watch a porn on my PC to really get me horny so that I could masturbate. Otherwise I don't feel a thing "down there" and masturbation was just to fill up some stupid quota of not having to cum for a very long time.

I am not sure if this is normal for a 39 years old guy like me but I feel a bit unnatural about it. It is almost like having a menopause for women. Am I tired of my younger-aged BF and the fact that he is not my type at all? Or am I tired of sex altogether considering that I am aging?

One thing for sure though, lately I have been having the needs to be alone, away from everyone and to just sleep for twelve hours from 7pm to7am with an excuse that I was mentally tired but actually to escape from the world.

I am not excited to live anymore or looking forward for the morning to come. I am more looking forward to the end of the day so that I could go home and sleep the whole night.

I don't have the answers to my problems but I sure have a lot of clues to play with and find out. But still no one can tell what is wrong me for the ultimate full stop answer.

BOYbum

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Surpriseeeeee!!!

Yuck! I hate that! It is so cliche! Especially if it comes from my BF tonite at midnight. Do I need to endure such stupid shit like acting shock and pretend that I forgot all about my own fucking birthday? Uhhhhhh!!! So yucky, slimy, childish and pretentious act.

I just want to be alone and sit quietly by myself and my BF can go shagging some stupid whore for all I care as long as I get to be with the one that I have been having relationship with for the past almost 39 years; MYSELF!

I just need to be alone and alone and alone and leave me the fuck alone. I can manage my own lonesome feelings and errrkkkkk; am I going mental over some stupid birthday here? Fuck!!!!

Exactly! Come to think of it I do need to get some really good FUCK from some straight macho tough monster cock  stranger. That will definitely hit the spot and made me forget that birthday is just another meaningless fucking day.

I just feel like smashing some fucking expensive crystal bowl and make a big mess out of it. I just want to just let loose and throw away my fucking anger and temper at something.

Happy whatever shit to me!!!!

P/S: I need help with some smart ass Jewish psychologist doctor.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

My Birthday the 19th January

So my birthday is coming up and I will be 39 years old. That is so FUCKING OLD isn't it? I hate it but nobody can escape getting old. So the most common phrase that we heard people say.. . . . ."It's just a number nothing more!" Duhhhhhhhh!

The question is what do I want for my birthday and who I want to spend it with? I feel like spending my birthday ALONE this year.

The three things I want for my birthday:

1. Someone to pay off all my debts to the banks. (Not in a million years, unless Bill Gates is my boyfriend)
2. A nice freakin watch. I will search for this one base on my bacteria-sized budget.
3. My friends should all get together and buy me a Kitchen Aid Mixer since they all know that I love to bake cakes and pastries and cooking food and entertaining them all the times.

Happy Fucking Birthday to me.

BOYbum

Psychotic VS Sex, Boyfriend VS Companion

What should a guy does to a boy friend who has a big cock and gives satisfying sex everytime BUT psychotic and rude?

The rule of thumb in a gay relationship is, no matter whether they are short (5' 5"), slightly almost to the ugly looks but generally pleasant at the same time but these don't-attract-second-glance kind of top-dudes at the same time has a huge monster cock and could give good satisfying sex to some good looking, well to do bottoms. The problems with these top-dudes' attitudes are they think having monster cock with ugly face is like an ugly straight guy driving a BMW 7-series. And these people think they can demand the sky and the moon from us and at the same time fucking around town too. What were they thinking?

Ok! Some of us cock receivers are born without improper judgement of human character. We tend to be slightly short sighted and become quickly forgotten of a fugly faced man the minute his huge salami jumped out of his pants. For a one night stand is forgiveable, but night after night fucking the same fugly face and being treated like a freakin' sex slave and a Filipino maid at the same time should be made illegal. And these bottoms that let themselves to be treated in such a way should be burn in a gay-HELL too.

I know one bisexual guy who has been married for years and has a child and at the same time has been in a relationship with my best friend for more than 5 years. This guy Mr. S (as I am gonna call him here and not a real name) also has 3 Gay Romeo accounts. He said he kept 3 GR accounts are for chatting with some freakin' strangers. WTF!!!! And now my best friend who just opened a GR account about 6 months ago, just decided to put a more sexy photo (just body, no face, no cock or ass hole pics) and Mr. S took that photos and showed them to my best friend and asked him. . . . ."What is this?" I mean, seriously who the fuck does he think he is to stop my friend?

He has a wife, a secret happy family that even my best friend cannot know about or come close to. And then he has been maintaining 3 GR accounts for years and my best friends never said a word about it or ever ask him to delete them. On top of it all he is just an ordinary looking guy that doesn't attract second glance at all, short stubby man, except when he drives his Mazda 2 around, some low lives newbies would go gaga over him. Not that he needs that car as a penis extention because he already has a big cock fortunately. So when you have it, flaunt it! And he is also seeing younger boys because my best friend felt guilty towards Mr. S because my best friend is HIV+ and so he encourage Mr. S to date other people out of his self conscience and guilty feelings.

Not to mention, Mr. S was caught by my best friends about 2 months ago that he brought some stranger into my best friend's house for sex and just so happened my best friend went home at that time. He was so busted! What a fucking rude asshole! And still my best friend sort of short sighted himself for Mr. S evil shit.

These are just some of the shits that he did to my best friend. And now Mr. S wants my best friend to stop putting his sexy photos in his only one GayRomeo website? WTF X 3!!!!!!!!!

What I don't undertand is why my best friend is so obsessed with Mr. S big cock when he treats him like SHIT. Like a real HIV+ person and not like a lover or at least to a person that you care? HIV+ is just another sickness that anyone could be infected. And Diabetes or Cancer is a much more fatal than having HIV+. People has to start treating HIV+ people just like any other sick people and not like they have a fucking leprosy from hell.

So for my friend to discount Mr. S rude behavior just because he can give great fuck is just beyond my common sense altogether. Do we really need to go that far and become mentally disable as well just because we can get great fuck out of an ugly looking and ugly mannered guy?

Are we really that desparate for sex that we accept bad behavior like a cherry on top of our ice cream? Or are we really feeling guilty for being HIV+ that we let our lover to treat us like shit so that we felt better and feel less lonely? Is being lonely really that bad?

I for once sometimes need to be alone. Having a boyfriend all the times doesn't really make me happy. I felt restricted and suffocated. Do I need a boyfriend or a companion?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Isn't This Hot or What???

I saw the picture of this unknown straight man this morning from somebody's blog of naked straight guys photos. This guy is altogether yummylicious to the max. Although that cock is a bit way out of my league; I mean I don't think I can handle such a huge monster cock up my ass but I will let him fuck me anyway he wants it. It will rip me apart I am sure but hey. . . . .No Pain, No Gain, No Pleasure. This guy just went to the top of my fantasy list of the straight men that I wanna have sex with.

Isn't this man hot or what???!!!




By BOYbum